Trick or treat! Huh?

Have you noticed that for the past ten years kids showing up at your front door have no clue about Halloween tradition? Ask every kid who rings your doorbell tonight what "trick or treat" means. Every one of them will say (cutely, unless it's one of the neighborhood teenagers who usually don't even bother with costumes) "candeee?"

We have failed as parents! These little goblins don't know they're supposed to scare us because we haven't trained them properly. We need to recover our national identity. This year, please, please, please instruct your children in proper Halloween etiquette. Show them how to appear menacing, how to threaten the mysterious trick should the homeowner not fork over the goods.

I do my part by opening the door with my usual Halloween roar and fierce aspect, costumed as a righteous tax collector. Once the kids take the step forward they've just lost, I tell them that I'll take the treat and start to reach into one of the bags. When they protest, I say "Get used to it, Joker and Batman, this is America! You're going to have to learn to live with the fact that scary characters will take your hard-earned money as long as you live." (This remark usually brings applause from the parents shivering at the fringe of the flickering porch light.) We all have a good laugh, I put the Snickers in the bags, and wave goodnight.

I enjoy Halloween more than the kids. And I don't really think that all my hard-earned money is being taken by the scary characters every April. Just most of it.

Phishing alert

I just received the following email. If you get a copy, do not click on the hyperlink! Just forward the entire message to the IRS at phishing@irs.gov.

"After the last annual calculations of your fiscal activity we have determined that you are eligible to receive a tax refund of $189.60. Please submit the tax refund request and allow us 6-9 days in order to process it. It will be stored in our secure database for maximum of 3 days while we process the results of this nationwide survey.

A refund can be delayed for a variety of reasons. For example submitting invalid records or applying after the deadline.

To access your tax refund online, please click on the link below

Click here

Thank you,
© Copyright 2007, Department of the Treasury U.S.A. All rights reserved"

Scam alert: watch out for IRS phishing

Leslie McFadden of Bankrate.com sends the following:

If you receive an unsolicited call or e-mail from the Internal Revenue Service, watch out. You're not talking to Uncle Sam.

The IRS recently issued a warning about identity theft schemes using the agency's name.

Since 2006, the Internet Crime Complaint Center has received more than 200 complaints about phishing schemes using the bureau as bait. This year scammers are using new twists on old tricks, including personalized e-mail salutations, live phone calls and the promise of tax rebates, to dupe consumers into divulging sensitive information.

Watch the following message:

Tr(irs)ck or treat!

Have you noticed that for the past ten years kids showing up at your front door have no clue about Halloween tradition? Ask every kid who rings your doorbell tonight what "trick or treat" means. Every one of them will say (cutely, unless it's one of the neighborhood teenagers who usually don't even bother with costumes) "candeee?"

We have failed as parents! These little goblins don't know they're supposed to scare us because we haven't trained them properly. We need to recover our national identity. This year, please, please, please instruct your children in proper Halloween etiquette. Show them how to appear menacing, how to threaten the mysterious trick should the homeowner not produce.


I shall do my part by opening the door with my usual Halloween roar and fierce aspect, costumed as a righteous tax collector. Once the kids take the step forward they've just lost, I'll tell them that I'll take the treat and start to reach into one of the bags. When they protest, I'll say "Get used to it, Captain Jack, this is America! You're going to have to learn to live with the fact that scary characters will take your hard-earned money as long as you live." (This remark usually brings applause from the parents shivering at the fringe of the flickering porch light.) Then we'll all have a good laugh, I'll put the M&Ms in the bags, and wave goodnight.

I probably enjoy Halloween more than the kids. And I don't really think that all my hard-earned money is being taken by the scary characters every April. Just most of it.